You really coming over, don't trick.
Already got asked if we're dating
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
