tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
