I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
