...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
