I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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