guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
