census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
