why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
