Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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