just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
