I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
