In America we eat man semen.
It was confusing and full of hummus
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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