i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
