I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
