i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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