Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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