Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
