i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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