worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
