my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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