I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
no you cant smoke seaweed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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