I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
