This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
