I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Come on in and take your pants off
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