I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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