Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
