i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
