dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
