last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
