Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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