it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
