yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
