i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
