It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
