He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize