A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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