the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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