Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
