Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
