It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
