she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
