so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
