Can i not drive my cunt home
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
