Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
