I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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