dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
