just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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