That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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