am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
