I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's just like the Real World with babies
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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