She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
