I look better un-naked...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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