I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
