My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
