We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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