I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
