i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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