I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
