Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
