Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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