You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
