I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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