Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found puke in my bra..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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