so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
