i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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