all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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