John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
