Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
