I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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