Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
